Finding Faith-Filled Friendships

This week I had the opportunity to lead worship for a local private school. While I was there getting set up, I witnessed a conversation that the middle school girls had to have about friendship. I wasn't aware of the circumstances surrounding the conversation, but by the end of it, they were all in tears and speaking truth to one another. It was evident some sort of fight or miscommunication had occurred, leaving many in the class hurt. As someone who works in student ministries, these types of conversations aren't necessarily uncommon. Over the last couple of years, I've had to diffuse many fights, gossip, and witness the pain of broken and unhealthy friendships.

We live in a world where anything can be screenshot in a matter of seconds and spread around instantly. With social media and texting, it seems harder than ever to find a good friend. In thinking about this, I was reminded that even Jesus' 12 closest friends abandoned Him when He needed them most. So, how can we find good, Christian friendships and be good, Christian friends to others?

To begin this conversation, let's take a look at Proverbs 27:9. In this book of wisdom, it reads, "Just as lotions and fragrance give sensual delight, a sweet friendship refreshes the soul." Friendship is one of the most beautiful blessings God has granted us. That being said, Proverbs 12:26 warns, "The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray." It is vital that we spend time in prayer with God regarding the friends in our lives. Just because we like a person doesn't mean they are good friends for us to have. For example, I may really enjoy Billie Eilish's music, but every time I listen to it, I get sad. Why? Because while Billie Eilish is a great musician, her music does nothing but empty my soul. Just because we like a person, doesn't mean they are good for us as friends. Let me put it this way, I'd rather have 4 quarters than 50 pennies. I'd rather have 4 faithful, righteous friends than 50 friends who take me away from God.

The Bible says "Iron sharpens iron", so the more we surround ourselves with Christian friendships, the closer we will grow in our walk with Christ. There is another saying that goes,

“Show me your friends, and I'll show you your future". Whoever said that must’ve been really wise. The more we surround ourselves with good friendships, the better friend we will become. The same can be said for the opposite. The more friends we surround ourselves with that are unequally yoked, the farther we will fall into worldly living. If you are looking for friends to go party with, go search for them in a club. However, if you are looking for genuine and God-fearing friends, you need to be in the church. Christian friendships are supposed to be life-giving, like-minded, and loving enough to push you closer to God. We don't need friends who encourage worldly living or are unequally yoked. We need a genuine friendship that consists of friends helping to strengthen and encourage our faith. We need friends that will hold you accountable and pick you up to go to church when you "don't feel like it". According to the Bible, a true friend celebrates your wins rather than writhing in jealousy. A true friend is someone who shows up for you all the time, not just when it's beneficial to them. A Christian friendship isn't transactional, but, rather, servant-oriented. All that to be said, I want to give you 5 characteristics to look for in your friends and needed to be a Christian friend.

First, a Christian friend encourages. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 instructs us to, "...encourage one another and build one another up." This is such a powerful aspect of good Christian friendship. At the beginning of this post, I mentioned witnessing the aftereffects of what happens when a friendship isn't building you up, like with the middle school girls. You are left broken and angry, and that impacts how you treat other people in response. It is so important to celebrate your friends’ victories. This can look like celebrating their victories over sinful habits they may have struggled with or speaking truth to them when they are struggling with temptation. Christian friends should encourage each other to grow closer to Christ.

Second, a Christian friend is honest. We all need friends in our lives who will speak truth to us because they genuinely love us and want what's best for us. A Christian friend will be honest, no matter how hard it may be to hear. Honesty and accountability are only successful when we come to our friends, not from a place of judgment, but from a place of love. Christian friends will come to you with an issue rather than going behind your back. Something I've learned over the years is if a friend is willing to talk behind someone else’s back to you, they are willing to talk about you to someone else. It's important to recognize these people in your life. Here's the reality of it: Honest friends aren't always our favorite friends, but they are perhaps the most necessary ones. They will hold you accountable and call you out when you're not living up to the calling God has for your life. Sometimes this is exactly what we need. In the same way, we must be willing to be honest and vulnerable about our own struggles with our friends. You never know how someone might relate to you or need your vulnerability to open up about theirs.

Third, a Christian friend forgives. In every kind of relationship, you have to be willing to forgive in order for it to succeed. The only reason we're able to have a relationship with God is because He was willing to forgive us and provide an everlasting atonement for our sins. We all have fallen short and are in desperate need of God's grace. Colossians 3:13 reads, "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." The Lord calls us to forgive those around us. However, forgiveness isn't a means of justifying an abusive friendship or relationship. While you are called to forgive, if the friendship is one that harms you or pulls you away from God, you do not have to stay in it. Sometimes when we illustrate to our friends that we can forgive them, it opens a door to them forgiving themselves. We must leave room for our friends to make mistakes, then demonstrate God's forgiveness for them, and encourage them through their failures.

Fourthly, a Christian friend celebrates your strengths and prays for your weaknesses. Oftentimes, we are good at encouraging our friends, but not as good at staying in intentional prayer for the areas they are struggling to overcome. Jesus took time to pray with His disciples on a regular basis. We all go through different seasons, and a good friend recognizes the need for a powerful community of Christians in prayer for one another. In addition, we need to celebrate each other's strengths. Good friends recognize and bring out the potential, goals, and gifts of each other. I can't tell you how many times I've lost friendships out of jealousy on my part and on the other party’s. When we learn to celebrate the gifts of our friends, rather than getting lost in comparison, we start to experience friendship the way the Lord intended it.

Finally, a Christian friend doesn't expect their friends to fix the parts only Jesus can. All too often, we expect our friends to heal our brokenness and fill the hole in our hearts. This responsibility was never theirs to begin with. So, if you're searching for a friend to fix you and heal your trauma, it won't happen. God places friends in our lives to push us closer to Him, not to play the role of Him. Lastly, a Christian friend doesn't rely on their friend’s faith. If you want good Christian friends, you will need your own faith and relationship with Christ. We each have a responsibility to those around us and to ourselves, to build our own relationship with God. Only, then, can we attract good, Christian friends and be a good, Christian friend, in return.

I want to close by saying this: Jesus is our greatest friend. If you want to be a better friend, study Jesus and see how He treats people in the Bible. The closer you get to God, the better friend you can be to a hurting world. While the Bible is clear that it is not good for man to be alone, no friend can meet the deepest needs of our hearts except for Jesus. So, what areas of your life do you need to improve so you can be the Christian friend you desire for yourself?

May your roots run deep, and your faith remain strong! As always, Stay Rooted, my friends! <3